- My Personal Story -
I’ll be honest, I’m in a strange space right now.
I have always been a seeker. Always did things different than anyone around me. (P.S. You have too. But more on that later).
This space I’m in… I’m pretty sure it’s what some people describe as "waking up”, or “dying to self”, or "letting the ego die". Whatever you call it, I’m a bit fragile and awkward and wobbly. From this place, the only things I know how to do is go to silence and stillness… or to write.
This site exists for the latter.
I’ll tell you what happened. Briefly if I can.
I was a pretty magical kid.
But somewhere along the way I bought the lie that the most important thing, was more. And that the most important person, was me.
So in my early twenties, when I found a particular set of consciousness tools that told me I could create anything I wanted, I used them. I used them to create more. And I did.
I became certified in that modality and travelled the world. I changed my body, my relationships and my health. My seminars started filling up. My mailing list grew. I met a lot of people and made a lot of money.
I got married. That was strangely easy. We got two dogs, a horse ranch, a beach house, a grand piano, a pretty car. That list of my “more" was pretty complete.
I did other things in those years too. Things that make me sound like a better person. I raised money for orphan rhinos, worked to save the ancient trees of the world, gave empowering online workshops, many for free. And people really did change.
But then recently, through a series of pretty uncomfortable events, I was forced to ask some pretty ballsy and unflattering questions. Questions about myself.
And what came up was really that my heart just wasn’t in the right place. A lot of what I was doing was really for and about me. The attention it gave me. The money I made. How it made me look or feel. It wasn’t for and about oneness much at all.
And with that realization, it all just started to crack.
I was twelve years into facilitating consciousness when I suddenly got how much I didn’t know. There were all sorts of things I had been telling people that I actually wasn’t even sure were true. I didn’t like it. And for the first time ever, I didn’t know how much I even liked me.
The beautiful thing about awareness is, you can’t change something until you are aware of it. And once you are aware of something, there is pretty much nothing you can’t eventually change. (Or at least I’m betting on that one still being true).
The last six months have led me to the mystics. And to the profits and saints. It has led me to the contemplative branches of many world religions and to stillness and prayer. It’s led me to darker parts of me than I knew about, and also to brighter glimpses of light. It has led me to meditation and questions and hope.
So that is where you’ve found me today. Deep in the trenches of figuring out what it is to be a decent person. To care about others. To truly give up judgment. To be in touch with the divine. And I do it through writing and videos and chatting with you.
This blog is not filled with answers. It is not neat or tidy.
It is questions and confessions and discoveries of one tenacious seeker. Determined to live a more connected and present and fully alive life.
(Oh, and the older posts you’ll find some useful stuff too. Just make sure to ask if it’s true for you. Cause life is one big question these days. I think it should be.)
If you are are seeker, I invite you to travel along side me. Wonder with me. Explore. I have no quick fixes or promises, but I am here. I get how messy and vulnerable this journey can be. And I truly do care.