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Are You Up For Being the Friend You Require?


It started with me not being very present during sex. 
Led to a totally dissatisfying conversation in the hot tub. 
And culminated with a very dramatic and tearful walk in the rain.
When I do drama, my goodness am I good at it.

So here I am walking in the rain and I realized Ron couldn't be for me in that moment what I wanted... which was a girlfriend.

So I decided to phone a friend. I called one of the few people that I was certain would be exactly the space I needed.

I called myself.

I pulled out my tape recorder and told myself very honestly and intimately, all the things that were wrong. With me. With the world. With my life.

And I listened and nodded my head and agreed with myself. Because that's what my good friend would do.

I listened and listened. And the drama was high and the tears were many.

And after a good half hour, I asked myself...

Would you like any facilitation? Would you like to change any of this? Or would you just like me to listen?

I considered this question, and realized, that yes, I actually would like to see what could change.

So I started being this beautiful kind space for me that I am for others, when I am not making their story true.

And I started asking myself questions.

"First off, does any of this have to do with the rain? Is there anyone around you who is settling into the fact they may have grey skies for the next 6 months and a gloomy cold winter?" It was light. "Any part of this that has nothing to do with you, would you return that to sender?"

"Yes."

The tears immediately stopped.

"Second... you keep saying 'I don't know'. But what DO you know? Which energies ARE you clear on?"

I started making lists of all the pieces of the puzzle I did have. All the energies that were light and true.

And on and on we went.

I ended my session with me by inviting myself to be really kind to me today.

And then asked for what I desired.

"Universe, god... show me! Show me the gift I can be. Show me where I can be the greatest contribution. Show me what is true and real for me."

By the time I was done, I felt amazing. Not at all as I had prior to my session.

There are times when I need to indulge in things. 
And there are times when I am ready to change them. 
And what if both were valuable and valid?

What if you were the friend for yourself that you wish someone would be for you?

What advice would you give yourself today?

What gift would you remind yourself that you are?

What gratitude could you invite?

What do you know?

I am jumping into my afternoon with immense gratitude:

Grateful I am real enough with me to let myself fall apart. 
Grateful I am aware enough to not make any of it significant when I do. 
And grateful I am kind enough with me to gently invite myself back together.