Wanting More Doesn't Make You Ungrateful
Sometimes the universe delivers far more than you could ever imagine… but in the strangest ways.
It actually started five years ago, when I was given a horse for Christmas.
(In actuality, I was given a box filled with horse poo. The horse itself lived in Costa Rica.) It was an awkward sort of gift at the time. I was only in Costa Rica twice a year. I wanted to be grateful, but instead I counted up the dollars I would spend each year on board for a horse I would ride a maximum of 10 days a year.
It took me nearly two years to “holy cow! I GET to have a horse in another country! And I have created that I can afford that with ease. How decadent is that!? How amazingly wonderful is that if I actually received this!”
Once I actually received Refugio, the whole world changed. We started riding bareback and having all sorts of jungle adventures. For the first time I was truly truly grateful for the gift. And everyone started having more fun.
Then, amidst a week of lovely rides this August, Refugio got a sore hoof one morning and I was given the chance to ride a much more intense dancing horse, Imbasur, owned by my friend Gary.
I can’t explain what happened on that ride.
It was like every thought in my head melted away. I walked around in a stupor most of the day. I had never felt so fully present and alive. It sounds dramatic, but it was the spiritual experience I had been looking for nearly my entire life, found in a horse back ride.
I told everyone about Imbasur and my most amazing ride. I dreamed about him. I gushed about him. Then I kissed my loyal Refugio on the nose and went home.
I had to go home really on that trip. Two days later I found out my friend Brendon had bought Imbasur after an amazing ride. He sold his horse Prince to another friend and traded up.
When I heard the news, I was irrationally upset. I burst into tears and didn’t stop crying for nearly 3 hrs hours. It felt childish but it shook something up inside me.
It wasn’t just that my most amazing horse was gone.
It was that, it had never ever occurred to ME to ask.
I never would have asked if I could buy that horse.
And Brendon did. He asked. And he was now his.
"I teach people to ask for things! I always ask!” I goaded myself. Why would I not have asked?
I realized I thought that wanting more in a horse would be being ungrateful for the horse that I had been given. That if I sold my horse, it would have somehow meant I didn’t like him.
Somewhere, I had made wanting more at odds with being grateful for what I had.
That was what upset me really. It was this glaring limitation in my world that I stumbled on that day. What kind of future could I possibly create if I thought wanting more was being ungrateful?
I looked at that. I asked question about it. And I changed it.
Last week I went back to Costa Rica for the last time this year.
I rode 3 different horses. The first one I knew immediately was not my new horse. The second one I rode 3 days in a row. Everyone thought I should buy him. He was sweet. And wonderful. He was more of what I was asking for.
"Can you help me?” I asked Gary the day before I needed to choose.
“I really like this horse. But I just don’t know. Do I go with “enough” or do I wait for what I know is truly possible?”
He got a twinkle in his eye.
“Let me see if you can ride Henry's (our horse trainer’s) new horse.”
The next morning I met Murano. The minute I sat on his back, every cell came alive in my body. He was like a V12 engine under me.
It was sort of like riding Imbrasur, but more powerful and more balanced. But my head was that quiet when I got off. It was what I hoped I might find again some day.
It was a big big big big yes!
He cost more than I ever would have considered paying for a car for most of my life. For a horse I would see twice a year!?
It was still a yes yes yes yes yes!
So I bought him.
My horse Refugio found a new love of his own that very same day and was sold the same hour I bought Murano. I giggled as I watched him play with his new owner Susanna, totally at peace.
I look back to that moment, sobbing in the car about Imbasur asking “how does it get better than this?” and I realized the universe had indeed showed me.
Without everything that occurred with Brendon and Imbasur, I never would have asked for more.
And without asking for more, I never would have known an experience like this while riding could be possible.
It just never shows up quite the way you think it will.
What if wanting more and gratitude for what you have could live hand in hand?
I am so freaking grateful to now be clear that I can love every inch of my life and still request and require that it to be greater every day!