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What if you aren't wrong?

My dad was the kind of alcoholic who would lose weeks at a time in blackouts. You could walk up to him and say, "Hey Robert, when are you going to give me that $100 bucks you owe me?" and he would cock his head to the side and squint his eyes, trying to figure out if you were pulling his leg or if he'd really borrowed money from you.

He had a difficult time being on this planet. On one hand he was an absolute genius.  On the other hand, he truly did not fit in here.

The first time I heard my dear friend and radically different recovery expert Marilyn Bradford ask the question "What's the value of this addiction?" in a class, light bulbs went off for me. What an absolutely brilliant illogically logical question. While others around me hemmed and hawed, I could see immediately the value alcohol was to my dad's life.

It helped him sleep, he could turn off the judgment of his failing life, he had something to blame for his sadness, but mostly, for an hour a day or a month, he didn't feel wrong.

When I looked at it from that perspective, with no other real methods to cope, alcohol probably kept him on the planet a good deal longer than if he had tried to survive those things on his own. I was actually grateful for that.

A man I dearly admire, Gary Douglas says “You can’t change anything until you are in allowance of it.”  I repeat that phrase continuously in my classes.  It’s kind of a bitch really.  Yet I’ve found it to be true.  When you are judging and hating something about yourself, you can cover it up or take away the symptoms of it, but you cannot truly be free from it until the idea holds no charge for you. It will never be gone until you are in allowance of it as one of the choices available for you to make.

I have to wonder what my dad’s life would have looked like if he could have stepped out of the wrongness of his life and his drinking.  What if he had been shown the truth of himself, that he was a wonderfully brilliant being who was marching to his own drum, and not felt so wrong about it all? What if he had been given other methods to fill all those unmet needs? What if instead of being asked to admit he was powerless, he had been empowered to know he could change?  What if he had not been eternally asked to define himself as an alcoholic?  Might he have chosen something different?

Is there anything in your life you judge as terrible and awful that you are actually holding in place with that judgment? Your body? Your addiction to food? Your inability to keep a relationship intact? What if instead of asking what's wrong with you, you turned around and instead asked, "What's right about me I'm not getting?"

Is it actually a contribution to your life? And if so, what if you could be grateful for it while asking, how else can I get those needs met?

What if you aren't wrong?


What if you aren't wrong?

I am very grateful for the amazing work Marilyn Bradford is doing around the world, offering a different possibility with recovery. She offers people the chance to recover from the addiction to the wrongness of them. From there, other addictions seem to melt.

You can check out her beautiful book with more information on the topic here:

Or visit:

I ask again...What's right about you that you aren't getting?