As I sat with my intensity, not knowing where to go with that energy, as I sensed a crumbling of what I thought was me, a thunderstorm was building up.... Literally, not only in me but outside!
As I sat with my intensity, not knowing where to go with that energy, as
I sensed a crumbling of what I thought was me, a thunderstorm was
building up.... Literally, not only in me but outside!
Distant thunder as I was digging in my garden, no gloves on! Pulling out
grass that had happily stretched it's long roots into the garden beds!
No more of that!
Clearing out spaces around flowers and vegetables, in the gentle rain. Thunderstorm still building! Distant roaring.
It kept building, and I could only find mild relief in my own storm.
Sweat running down my body, hands earthen, forget about my finger nails,
I ran inside as the downpour came. Where do I go with all this energy?
Ah! I went into my studio, grabbed an easel and a canvas, got my oils,
and in a wild motion poured out this painting. Fingers covered in oils
on top of soils, I forgot everything around me. Thunder roaring and
lightning flashing as I danced my dance of release.
Here it is. The beginning of a new journey on canvas. After two hours, I
had the motion out! Let this be for a little, let it dry for a little!
Give it space to breathe! It just came into the world.
I will dance with it some more.
In my nights so restless, in my days with tears of wonder,
joy and release.
There is a reaching for something, a reaching for more! How
to be that? Walls crumbling, what I thought was me, crumbling, crust open,
insides out, outsides in, upsides down, wild, unleashed, sore space…. Of
being…. Did I really come for that? Did I choose to be here for this? Yes, I
did! How safe felt my chains, my walls and my pretenses? And, was it safe? Was
it true? The illusion of safety…. The fairy tale story of the witch and the
maiden, the good and the bad, the black and the white. What if this all isn’t
The space of being? …. So uncomfortable? …. So nothing I
expected it to be?.... So wildly-open-unfathomable-no-reference-to-hold-on-
all-including-not-defining-no-mind-full-ness-open-space? What do I create from
this space? What do I choose now?
Looking back from the future where the storm of the new has
calmed into dancing with ease with the molecules I can see the choice I made in
the now. And it was beautiful. I can see it from the future. It was required as
radical, bold, courageous and brilliant as it was. Not comfortable, yet when and
where did I buy the lie of comfort as valuable when it would kill this
beautiful planet Earth? Ha! What a concept! I smile as I look back. Earth is
beautiful and alive! And we thrive with it!
Where do we go from here?