* This is not a typical blog. It’s a copy of an email I recently sent to my list. Big ole changes underway!
Wanted to keep you in the loop as well.
Not sure you noticed, but it has been forever since I last dipped into your inbox. Three months of forever!
This season I have been unusually quiet. It truly has been time to listen rather than talk. And it has been surprisingly nourishing to this here soul.
A few sprightly highlights, if you are the curious type:
1) My horse stepped on my head in late June, so the month of July I spent laying in the dark with a concussion, without books or TV or screens.
Being. Reflecting. Meditating. Praying.
Goodness, if you want to challenge your self-kindness and self-awareness, try spending a month with yourself in pretty much solitude. Yep, that will do it.
One thing it did was re-ignite a meditation practice that has been filling me up from the inside. It also got me looking at some of the darkest, most uncomfortable parts of myself (my ego, righteousness, unkindness— oh wait, that whole horrible being a person thing I’m not always perfect at) with greater honesty and kindness than I have previously been able to muster.
It was gnarly. And useful. And amazing. (Wait, you mean that terrible horse accident was exactly what I’d been asking for? Yep, that.)
So, yay for random head injuries (I can say casually, now that I’ve stopped getting dizzy every time I sit up.)
If you missed the Facebook post, there are more concussion highlights here.
2) I took myself offline.
Not for a day, or a week.
For almost the entire summer. And boy has it been an incredible reboot.
Earlier this year I had felt my brain changing in unexpected ways from all the gadgets I was living amongst… and I can’t say I liked it at all!
I was spending wayyyyyy too much time in emails. Too much time in messaging and with screens. So once that sweet little concussion was gone, I just decided not to come back online.
My single FB post of the month was actually about that very thing…Amusing Ourselves To Death. If you want to hear more about that, you can here.
My summer offline helped me move my house, organize my closet, throw away all the clutter, spend time with my horse, dust off my juicer, get to know our ducks, learn about the trees in our woods, read dozens of books, remember I know how to ride a bike… all the kinds of “being” things that have always made me crazy amidst my unrelenting desire to be productive.
It does feel like I’ll be popping back onto social media a bit this fall. But I think it will be different. And my body is pretty happy about that.
3) So many things have been changing!
Most of my life I am pretty public about. I like to share with you my own follies, blunders, dreams and questions, in hopes that they may stir some wonderings in your own world.
But every once in a while there is a chapter that is percolating and not yet ready to share. Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in a post recently “this is a story I am living, not a story I’m telling.” I’ve been sitting quietly in the midst of one of those.
Yet as my silent months roll on, I have been getting more and more questions. Questions about when I will be facilitating next and where.
And while I have no answer to that question yet, I thought it would be honoring to share with you one piece I do know…. which is, as part of this transition I will no longer be facilitating Access Consciousness.
If you have followed any of my work, you will know that Access has been at the core of what I have been writing about and teaching for many years.
While it has been an incredibly valuable set of tools for me over the last decade, I’ve found I am being called to new adventures and into new rhythms and questions and modes.
I have a painting from one of my favorite artists, Seth Pitt, that hangs in my playhouse and regularly makes me cry.
Sure he looked back once or twice,
and with damn good reason.
he’d be looking back at that place
for the rest of his life.
But long ago he had learned that sometimes,
when you leave a place,
it has nothing at all to do with that place you’re leaving behind
but rather, whatever it is that’s calling you out there
beyond the hills.
So, when it came right down to it,
the decision was a simple one,
that certain kind of wind had picked up,
and it was time to go.
For me, this transition is that. Gratitude. And thankfulness. Not entirely easy. But it’s time.
If you are familiar with Access, I have no doubt you will still see some of the concepts and tools cropping up in future blogs and videos. They are, after all, tools of consciousness, which I can only imagine I’ll be talking about for the rest of this beautiful life.
The words and framework of Access I have studied for over 12 years now, and are embedded within my being. I’ll always be grateful for the deep and wide foundation they have laid in my search.
This season of letting go of something I have cared so deeply about has taught me a lot about surrender. And it has reminded me that while I am in charge of asking for what I desire, I don’t get to micromanage the “how” it then shows up.
That is the universes’ job. Or god’s, by whatever name you use.
All I can do is trust. Trust myself. Trust this unraveling. Choose. And ask. And trust.
Where to From Here?
I can’t tell you exactly what I will be exploring from here.
All I can really promise you is that I will continue to be as vulnerable and as curious and as brave as I know how to be. And that I will continue to invite you to journey alongside me for as long as you may choose.
While I have nothing on my calendar coming up that you can participate in, I do have a slew of adventures and conversations lined up for myself in October that I am pretty excited to be diving into:
– a trip through the South with meaningful conversations about race,
– a retreat in the hills with two of my favorite authors,
– a leadership event in the canyons of Arizona,
– some time in New York…
This next phase of my journey seems to be a whole lot about my insides. About unraveling what I know from what others know. About waking up. About taking ideas from my head into my core. About giving up my need to be right, to be understood or to belong.
You know, little things. Haha 🙂
I hope to have some thought provoking things to share with you along the way.
I sit here writing from our beautiful ranch in Michigan, watching my swan swim on the pond and the leaves start to turn. I have a new kind of surrender in my bones. A new willingness to follow the unknown. And an ever increasing gratitude for the mystery.
Is there anything in your own life that you have been holding onto that you know you need to let go of?
Is there anywhere you are resisting the very thing you have been asking for?
I wonder if it’s time? And if it is, how honest and kind and present you can be with yourself through it all.
I hope you are enjoying the beginnings of fall, wherever you may be.
I hope you are honoring whatever you know to be true for you today.
And I hope you know that you, my friend, are always doing the best you can with the tools you have available. We all are.
I wish you bravery and kindness and joy on your adventures.
P.S. If you’d like to get my email updates, you can sign up at here. There are occasional special things I send only to my email list.
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