Gosh, what a trip. This life thing we are doing.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot over these last few years. Even the years I didn’t write at all. And wondering how your journey has been unfolding.
Mine has been bizarre and awe inspiring, humbling and infuriating. It has been all of it.
Today I am enjoying dancing in that mystical state of wonder. For how shimmery and beautiful and mesmerizing this whole process can occasionally be.
A few nights ago I was watching a drummer play a tambourine. Just a tambourine. And yet… he was so alive, so sparkly and shiny as himself, it was as if he had broken through the veil between realities; as if I could see the star dust he is made from… the god particles that he is… the uniqueness that only he is here to shine as.
It was… transcendent? Is that too strong a word? It didn’t feel like it. He was simply being himself… and yet it felt like just watching him was changing the very structures of my cells.
I realized that these are really the moments I live for these days. The startling moments when I see that perfect uniqueness shining through someone, or even more mystifying, when someone provokes that uniqueness out of me.
I have two swans: Gwendolyn and Theodore. They are funny and majestic, but they cannot fly (it’s a terrible story I will write about some day, but all “pet” swans have their wings clipped and are grounded. It is heartbreaking. Full stop.) But when swans, even pet swans, have babies… after a few months of shuffling the cygnets around on their backs, and then the tiny fluff balls trailing mama in the water… the babies fly away. They migrate. Sometimes hundred or thousands of miles. Without ever having seen their parents fly.
Something in them knows. It knows where they are going. And what they are here to do. Something deep within them knows exactly who and what they are.
Today I find the drummer and the swans merging within me. They are swirling together, reminding me of two very mystical truths.
One: We are each divinely unique creatures.
Two: In spite of anything the world has tried to tell you that you are, or that you should be— there is something unbreakable inside each of us that simply knows.
Something within you knows what kind of creature you are. How your awareness works. What is most valuable to your system.
Something inside you knows how to migrate. Something inside you knows how (and where and when) to fly.
You have a compass. You have homing devices.
Five years ago I had a shattering that showed me how infinitely far I had gotten from myself. How much I had given my authority away. It was deeply destabilizing And humbling. And if you have followed me or my journey for long, you will know, I chose to be silent for a very long time.
Should you be curious, you can read my story of that unraveling, and healing here.
But the short version is simply that life is remarkable. And at the perfect moment I was gifted with a fascinating and deeply useful vehicle for beginning the journey of finding my way back home.
And man, I don’t claim that my journey is like anyone else’s. Or that my path is for you. Or that I am now anything other than deep within my own process.
But I am now someone who shouts madly from the rooftops “Keep digging! It’s worth it! There is so much to be gained from becoming yourself!”
Whether life invites you to gently stumble upon yourself, dances you sweetly into your essence, (or drags you naked, moaning, with bloody knees, across large shards of shattered glass to get you to exactly where you need to be for your own awakening)… What an orchestration! What life! I cheer you on.
You are a swan! (Or a purple ladybug, or a dragonfly who tap dances in her sleep).
The point is– you are unique.
And the most fascinating game on the block (to me) goes like this: Find out, somehow, what you are! And then surrender, whole heartedly, to watching your distinctive life unfurl.
I believe we each have the potential of waking up to our own frequency and uncovering what kind of creature we are. Should you choose to play, I suspect you will be tickled (mystified, satisfied, surprised) by the journey as well.
Much love to you on your journey, wherever it is taking you. I hope it includes moments of astonishment, as you wake up to the beauty of who and what you truly are.