I Used to Roll my Eyes at All These Things

Once again, it’s been months since I’ve written. I just go through these phases where I can’t.

It’s as if my system is still decompressing from decades of pressure cooking. Of doing and moving and achieving and hustling.

So while I used to be highly motivated to send consistent blogs and memes and social updates… with the exception of those moments when I feel truly inspired… I’ve just let it all take a big exhale.

I’m finding I’m just not willing to force anything anymore. At all.

My requests this year have been:

– To truly see (truth, beauty, who I am, what is).
– To connect with and amplify the voice of my own knowing.
– And to let go of everything that doesn’t serve me.

It wasn’t until I slowed down that I realized the insanity of how I had been running my life. What I thought mattered. Whose beliefs were dictating how I was using my sweet (numbered) days.

I’ve been doing a lot of things lately I’ve spent my life rolling my eyes at. The hippy dippy stuff. Not only meditation but also…

Inner child work. (seriously!?)
Forgiveness stuff (boooooring)
Delving into some really old anger. (Man, do I have some anger!)
Sitting with sadness.
Creating space for the divine.

The thing is, it actually hasn’t been boring or icky at all. It just feels required. Overdue. Life giving. Human.

It purges out of me.

It makes me feel less on a pedestal and separate from everyone and more an actual person, who can create space and be present and care.

Today I woke up and I wanted to write to you.  I wanted to write to you because the deeper I get into my own process, the more think I about you and yours.

It is a strange journey… this being human thing.

And I am continuously grateful to be along for some small portion with YOU

So…

– What is one thing you can do today to nourish yourself?
– What have you labeled “productive” or “unproductive” that maybe isn’t serving you?
– Is there anything you have rolled your eyes at that might actually contribute to you?
– Whose beliefs are dictating your goals or how you spend your time?

Take your shoes off and walk over the frosty grass.

Go hold cats at the humane society for an afternoon.

Make that fresh ginger tea and take a decadent 30 minutes watching the birds while you drink it.

Enjoy whatever phase you are in. The messy one. The revealing one. The charged up conquer the world one.

Allow yourself to fall apart. Or fall together. Or be changed from within.

At least that’s what I’m doing right now.

And it has been alarmingly good.

Much love to you this beautiful day, 
Blossom

P.S. I have 6 baby pygmy fainting goats joining my family next Saturday. I thought you might “need” to see their sweet little faces. Hard to hang out with these little dudes without a smile. 🙂

Reading Rumi & Being

Reading Rumi—

This morning I woke up anxious and deeply sad.

I used to do all sorts of things about that. To change it. Used specific methods to make it go away.

Today I sat with it and watched the snow fall.

Then I went down to my sauna and sat in the dark. A meditation and prayer.

As I settled into an eventual stillness, I picked up Rumi to join me.

Rumi and I laugh a lot. We weep. We sigh. We fill back up.

I thought there was nothing better on a snowy Sunday afternoon than to invite you to tea with Rumi.

May I read to you for a bit?

I love this man.

Do you suck at apologizing?

I have to admit, being wrong and apologizing are not two of the things I am best at.  Nor are they my favorites.

But if you always have to be right, you can’t actually receive contribution from anybody else!

I’ve been looking at this topic for years and getting better… and yet… when something was brought to my attention yesterday that I had done that really wasn’t cool, I still had the hardest time forming a true apology in my head.

I kept hearing myself sneak in reason and justifications into my apology about why I had done what I did. I noticed I wanted to say “I’m sorry but..” which is really to say, “It’s your fault” or “I’m not sorry.”

I’ve made a video about this not so favorite topic with some keys to keep in mind:

If you would like to create an apology, a true apology, one in which the energy of the conflict changes, there are a few key things to remember:

  1. Lower your barriers- push down anything that makes you want to protect or defend yourself. More on this 
  2. Cut out all your reasons and justifications.  It doesn’t matter why you chose to eat your dad’s pie or say something rude, the point is, you did it!  “but” and “because” do not belong in a true apology.
  3. Try using the phrase “I’m sorry.  I was wrong.  What can I do to make up for the damage I’ve done?” If done sincerely, it is an incredibly powerful phrase.

While being wrong or apologizing is not necessarily fun, it’s sometimes required. Sometimes you are wrong— at least from their point of view.

I made my apology this morning.  It wasn’t easy.  But I’m still alive! And the space and lightness in my universe has expanded. I’m very grateful for this choice.

I may have a ways to go on this topic before my stomach stops churning with the thought I may be wrong. But I’m not willing to live being right and righteous and fighting for my point of view.  I’m not willing to limit my own awareness and contribution in that way.  So I’ll keep practicing.

Is there anything in your life you need to apologize for?

What would it create if you were willing to be wrong?